Work, Life, Dates, Dudes

Today is a vent day. 😀

Jesse is PMSing I think. But this time I don’t know if it is going to last. I say this because he’s trying hard to pressure me into topping him and I won’t. Not until we are bf stage. I have already told him this is what I expect and what I want and he said he really wants me to top him. Since when does sex trump relationship? In my eyes that is not how things work. He has turned me off a lot from this last little escapade of his. I’m very turned off of him unfortunately. I miss him and I really liked him but he’s also the first guy that has made me THIS bullet proof. Not healthy.

School – I’m getting a feel for how the processes are and for each class. Work – Oh my fucking god. They are putting locks on everything! Changing locks. It’s freaking me out a little bit. They also added a watchguard to the network so they can monitor all network traffic and changed the wifi password. It’s not any more secure than the last one. I’m just not sure why they are going all out on everything. I’m very curious if something happened here that would cause them to do it? I haven’t really heard any news. There was someone that tried to hack this lady’s email account here so they freaked out about that. I RDP to my desktop pc to do all internet surfing and well… just about everything in general. They don’t need to know what I do on my personal break times. Kind of weird.

Rant #247 ;)

I believe things are looking much better now. Things were not good for me the other day. It gets upsetting to go on dates and have guys never talk to you again because they are… well… just not interested in you. I mean. They act like it’s going so well and then conversation just tapers off whereas before you had met, things were going well. I hate it when that happens. Although I kind of just did that to a guy the other day, but he showed up looking like he was 42 (said he was 30) and he was super tiny. I just don’t dig that type of thing honestly. I prefer a guy that is more meaty. Oh… and by the way, even when I go on a date with someone in my playing field (chubby), they don’t last either! It gets so damn old. They don’t take the time to get to know me. I mean I’m young and have things going for me. I just don’t get why people cannot see that. They just see that I’m not exactly what they are looking for even though my picture looked like me. I know because every time I meet with someone they can find me. Almost every time.

 

On a more positive note, I slept alone last night (that was super nice) and I took a shower, shaved, made my bed before work. J You would probably think those are “normal” things that humans do these days, but when you are stressed out like me all the time and you have some person sleeping in your bed, you get lazy! I don’t know why that is. I have no clue why I get so lazy only when other guys get in my bed. I guess I have no control when they do. Like… I can’t make the bed before I leave and I can’t wake up on time because they are warm and comfy. I don’t like that. I used to be so different when I was more thin. But that’s why I was more thin. I had shit in order in my life and things were looking really good. I miss those days a lot, but at the same time, I understand they won’t just go back to being that way right away. I hope some day it does, but I know it won’t be soon. Unless I get Wayne out of my bed every night. Then we would be golden. Plus, if I knew someone was coming over before, I would clean the crap out of the house. I haven’t done that in AGES. I’m not 100% sure why I just stopped, but I guess I just don’t care? I’m working on nailing the reason that I don’t care as much about things so I can get my life back in order.

 

School? Almost over!!! 😀 I’m so excited. I will miss it and I loved it, but….. it’s almost over. J I’m non-religious but find myself praying like crazy that I pass my math class with no less than a B. I think I can, but we will see when the final comes around in a few weeks. We only have like one more chapter to cover in that class, one more test, and then …. Yeah. LoL. I love to hate school. J I’m getting caught up with things though. J Started building onto the garage some more the other night when it was nice and super warm outside. I was more or less making some plans to get it built instead of actually building it.