Turkey and Stealthing

I make the funniest post names. I couldn’t help it sorry. So today, I don’t have a lot to talk about, but there was one specific topic that came to my head. I was watching some porn. I found myself navigating through and I found myself at something called Stealthing. What is that? Well. It turns out it is breaking or removing a condom during sex and usually the person getting fucked has no idea (hence the stealth part).

The one I watched was of a guy at a bathhouse. The other dude went to town and just kept sliding the condom down until it finally disappeared inside of the guy he was fucking. I started thinking…. is that wrong of him to do? Here’s what I came up with:

1. Yes it was wrong of him to take the condom off during sex. Let’s just assume from here out the kid asked him to use one.
2. Was it the tops fault or the bottom? I feel like the top shouldn’t have done it, but I don’t feel the bottom could hold him responsible. But why?
3. The kid is at a BATH HOUSE. He wants to get fucked by STRANGERS. Do you see the dilemma I have in just saying it’s the top’s problem? It’s not! The kid could have easily went on dates and found someone to love and fucked him for life instead. But his decision was to go to a place full of random people. Plus…. who is to say one guy isn’t going to fuck everyone with the same condom? Even the bottoms that don’t like condoms. Cum is going everywhere. This is all I’m saying is the kid is a fucking idiot.
4. None of this excuses the tops actions, but I just cannot bring myself to side with the bottom. I just can’t.

So off that soapbox. 🙂 I still hate my job. Hopefully another one will come around within the next few months. I still want to go back to school.

Work? I was stationed in Orem at the same job, but the shitty part is not the drive. It’s that the client decided they want to end the IT services we do with them and go with someone in-house. That’s okay right? Sure…… but it leaves me STRANDED! My boss supposedly is going to have me work on a specific task but I’m still not convinced I won’t be hitting the chopping block. He’s already laid off like 3 people within the last month. But then again…. I’m not happy so is that so bad? It is for the pay difference that could happen. But….. I could make more? Haha. Sooooo much to think about.

Anyways. That’s it for today. Short sweet and to…… whatever point I was trying to make. Goal is 1 post a month and this does it for me. Yup. Feels like more of a chore right now because I have a lot going on. Ah. And going to Idaho for Turkey day this year. Woohooo. Hopefully it goes well. In the past it has always been my dad coming to me which is nice.

Sex? Boys? Broke up with the dude I was dating. Based on the way he left, I won’t be seeing him again. More or less my choice. It just wouldn’t have worked out. He could never find time for me. Every time I made plans to go out of state, his laundry list of to-do’s increased and he couldn’t make it. He’s kinda bullshit really. I don’t miss him much. There are parts, but I find myself to be happier single. Sorta. I get depressed waiting for the one. I’m sorta dating another guy but I don’t know. It’s like a regular weekend sex buddy more than anything. I don’t feel the meat and potatoes of a relationship forming. Especially not when I hear Grindr go off in my ear while we relax on the couch.

I’d say “one day (I’ll find someone)” but I’m so damn over it. So over it.

What to say? What to say?

You know that kid in class that made you think to yourself “shut the fuck up, I’m trying to learn”? I feel like that guy that needs to shut the fuck up lately. I’ve been on one… probably because of all the things that have happened recently. It’s driving me crazy. I feel bad about it too. I have one of those guys at work though as well… I wish he would stop flapping his gums all the time. It gets old listening to him.

Anyhow. So my roommate didn’t respond to my message last night. I have no idea where he stands and frankly I don’t want to go the legal route, but let’s be honest. I’m ready. 🙂 I can get through anything.

I want to start going back to school again…. hopefully that will happen soon. I will have to figure out ways to make that a reality.

I can’t believe I wrote 3 posts within the same 2 days. That never happens. I feel really good though about taking care of it early in the day. On a side note, i wish i had more friends.

Stressed and fucking fat!

So work has been busy beyond what I ever imagined myself getting into. Problem is, I am the type of person that wants to see tasks through to the point I hit major burnout like I think I have done and I don’t want to do anything except the personal stuff I used to do back in the day. Pretty sure I will not be the lead much longer on this team. I’m just not doing what I need to do and I don’t have a desire to. The ass hat next to me makes the same as I do without the extra title AND he’s getting moved back to the lazy ass do-nothing position of NOC. Frankly I’m kinda pissed about it. So if I can step back a couple of paces and get my ass back into doing much less, I think I will be ok.

As for personal life — I started taking a daily multivitamin hoping it would offset the amount of shit I eat in my day at least a little. I’ve been on it about a week now and I see no major changes or even subtle. I don’t feel better, see better, sleep better…. so I don’t think it’s good for much. I also got on Truvada and have two bottles of it. I haven’t actually started it yet since I’m not on a sex spree, but it’s nice to stock pile for a bit for when I actually have to pay more than $0 for it. My fat hangs out of my shirt now a bit. I’m kinda upset that happened at all. I have been lifting weights more frequently though. Not noticing huge changes in my arm, but subtle which I’m ok with. Travis is gone thank god. No boys on the radar right now either. I get occasionally Tindr hookup messages but haven’t acted on any of them.

School and certs – I’ve made no progress on them whatsoever. I haven’t had time and the time I do have I spend at home trying to pick the pieces called my life up off the ground. I need to bring this back into reality in one way or another though.

A birthday and a busy job

It has been a long time since I’ve posted anything and I’m pretty tired and a bit sick so this one will likely be short.

Work – work has been so fucking busy since I started working at this new place. Oh my god it’s been crazy. I know ‘manage’ a team of 3 people. Tickets went from 60 to 30 in a few weeks so we are making progress. Off and on I feel like I’m going to get fired. Moreso recently because my sleep schedule is way fucked up. I worked 70 hours a couple weeks back and that really took it out of me, but stuff had to be done. There were some more things I was going to do to get caught up but I decided I needed some personal time. I’m taking this weekend off completely from like everything. Obviously not off of my computer because here I am.

Personal – I’ve virtualized several machines and I’m finally moving everything over to my ESXI HP box. Feels good to have everything more consolidated. I’m working on getting things closer to where I want them to be. I upgraded PFSENSE and the interface is phenomenal. I set up failover WAN which is amazing. I’m working on setting up VPN and VLANs next. I weighed 240 last time I checked and I’m – again – scared to check the scale. I’m still hanging out with Travis. I like him but idk if I’ll love him or not. We keep going on these roller coaster rides of crazy. Speaking of, tomorrow we are supposed to go to Lagoon for Frightmares. I’m kinda excited. We hang out a decent amount these days. Not these last few weeks. Crappy events happened. Jesse has not popped back in my life again which I’m very happy for. He comes in when he needs someone to give him motivational words then perks up and disappears from my life. I don’t like it. I don’t like not being someone he’s crazy about. That’s why I’m not into him. I also re-arranged my room. Iit feels bigger because of the way the bed is laid out now. I’m also sleeping on the higher side of the mattress and i think it’s fucking with my sleep a bit. You know how your body over time wears out the springs and makes a nice jelly bean shape of you? That’s what happened.

School – Taking the semester off and got my associates degree. 🙂 Yay. I need to figure something out for next year(s) and certifications. My goal was to get certs this year but that’s not happening so far and I’m disappointed in myself quite honestly.

Overall things are going ok. Money is it the bank. I need to get the basement finished so I can rent out my other bedroom and buy a car too. Need to move up in life.

Just life

So I have a small desire to blog today for no specific reason. I’m really tired right now sprawled out on my chair typing this at work. The electric bill was $180 so I think it’s best if I don’t go home and turn on my air conditioner, but that is mostly my opinion coming out. lol.

Work is seeminly good. I got an email today from a client asking if I had seen numerous items that had disappeared and I had seen a couple of them but otherwise, not all of them so I feel kind of badly about it. I didn’t really move personal items so much as I moved computers and devices.

Finally…. I washed the work car this weekend for the first time. Put in a blackberry scented air freshener and it smells pretty good. A bit overpowering and annoying today but otherwise not too terrible. I think I’m behind on sleep. I’ll make it a goal tonight to get to bed early and get my room cleaned up so I can just relax the night and take my final tomorrow. My last final. I hope I pass the class with a decent grade. I really do.

Oh… trip with dad was terrible this time, we just argued argued argued. Part of it was me, but part of it was him not willing to listen to me telling him he scares the fuck out of me when he drives. He was honked at twice and he doesn’t want to look at the big picture that he’s not being careful. It concerns me. He left his truck here and took the cavalier and my other cavalier is now insured and legal for the first time since i’ve had it. Feels nice to be legal. 😀

Boys: Finally got back in a bit of a fuck spree from my dry spell. One guy with a 9″ dick fucked me a couple of times, a really sweet guy that I’m into fucked me 3 times so far and some other dude about 4 nights ago. Within about 7 days I’ve had sex with 3 different guys. All strangers. No condoms. Sigh. But ya know. That’s how life goes sometimes.

Finals

So today I have my IT final. It’s the only one I am super nervous about but I suppose that is for a good reason. My grade will be a B- if I get 35/60. Anything less than that and I will be ending with my first C in any class which honestly makes me a little bit sad because I hold higher standards for myself. You know what else pisses me off about class though? When I actually come here, like 99% of the guys are skinny and fit. Grrrr. It always makes me ask what am I doing wrong? Aside from overeating and not working out I mean. 🙂

As for everything else in life…. dudes…. meh no one special. Met a guy named Shawn, but he lives with his parents and brother. I find that to be very unattractive. He’s also the type that is very entitled and thinks he deserves everything. Finally… he’s a redneck. Burps all the time and makes WAY too many sounds. It’s fucking obnoxious. Oh and he can’t keep his junk hard. lolz!!!! So that’s also a problem. And he doesn’t know how to open his mouth while giving head. Lots of issues I tell you.

As far as everything else goes though, I’m still settling into the new job. I definitely like it better than the other job but my sleep schedule is fucked. Right now it’s sleep, wake up, eat, work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat. lol. It’s terrible and needs to be changed. Last night I didn’t trust myself enough to get up for the test so I didn’t sleep at all and I’m running on fumes right now which…. is not very good minutes before a final I will admit, but that’s what happened unfortunately. On a more positive note the garage door is installed and I’m about ready to start working on the basement. Fantastic. K — I shall study a few more minutes before I have to take the test.

2 days left

I have been posting like a maniac lately. I just have a lot to say and when I’m this stressed, I like to write things out to kind of help myself remember things or just get things off my chest. It’s slightly better than a Facebook post. So the first thing I want to mention which I strongly suggest people do in their life is get their ass over to google.com/alerts and type their name in there! Why? Well you see, Google Alerts will send you an email if your name pops up in search results. I have my name, my name with my middle name, and a few online aliases I use to see if anything is coming up. I also added my house address so I know of new things right away. I only thought of this recently, but why wouldn’t you take the time to protect your name? It’s a big deal!

On other news, I’m actually looking at getting a garage door this year. It will cost about $1,000. I was thinking about also spraying the garage with paint instead of old fashioned rollers. I think I will be able to paint the whole thing white in a much faster amount of time. I don’t know, we will see what happens. Project after project it seems, but as long as shit is getting taken care of, I honestly don’t care.

We (me and the team) are going to lunch today for me leaving. Cake is on Friday for my leaving. I’m really nervous for my last day and also very nervous for my first day at the new job!

Finally, I wanted to say I got caught up on ALL my homework so far. I am a month ahead on everything so basically I am all clear of doing homework until the summer. Or maybe the Spring, I’m not really sure. Maybe I’ll get expelled for my attitude lol who knows? I got cocky because they made us take this online course on sexual harassment. Funny thing about the situation is they really don’t like to help students and they aren’t empathic AT ALL at UVU. I would never suggest the school to anyone. I am so sick of the damn place.

Great news!!

So the good, the great, and the awesome news! I just managed to get my room rented out thankfully. I had also updated my camera software (ISPY) for all of my IP cams and it fucked up EVERYTHING. 😦 On a more positive note I fixed it today. Turns out it was a problem with the firewall blocking the necessary ports for the inbound communication to the software. Installed another IP camera in my surveillance/ server room as well as I’m going to move the analog one outside somewhere. I also modified a few settings to make recording more efficient and more high quality. The server just sits there all day so I want high quality recordings whenever possible. I also modified the layout so i can see previous recordings right away which is much more efficient in my opinion. I feel great to have it working again.

As far as work, I put my two weeks notice in on Friday as I got another job with a Mortgage company as a help desk technician. I’m really hoping the grass is greener. I realized today when I was cleaning off my computer (securely deleting of course) that I didn’t have much on here in the first place for fear of being fired all the time. I think this is something that has caused a bit of a problem for me and might be a part of my weight gain. I really really hope this next job will be better. I also found a nice bench a few days ago to sit at outside and relax right across from my current job. Too bad I only get to enjoy it for another week. As for my boss, he was surprisingly kind of sad that I was leaving and he said he would try to find something, but Monday rolled around (the day we were supposed to have a chat) and he hasn’t said anything. I’m guessing the bosses or whomever he talked to just told him to let me go and maybe something else because he hasn’t really been all that nice. I submitted my two week notice to HR as well. Kind of feels nice and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel today.

Finally school: these next two weeks will be stressful because I have a new job and because I have some assignments due all at the same time. Thankfully I finished one of my classes already so just two more to go. Another huge friggin 90 question test though which totally sucks. I got my taxes submitted and my fingers are crossed I did it right. I felt good about everything except the school. It says to put how much I actually paid for school and my calculation was 700 higher than what they said it was through the paper they sent. Anyhow though, the last thing to bring up is boys. Same guys still. All 3 of them. None of them feel quite the same as one Jesse did but he’s gone now what can I say? I’m not too sad about that anymore in fact I’m weirded out his name came up at all today. Anyhow. Easter is coming. Almost time for discounted hollow bunnies!!! How could a person not be happy about that?! 🙂 Rented out my room too btw. To a girl named Sarah. I really hope she is cool, but we will know soon enough!! Oh Lucifer is doing good as usual and Charlie the brown fat rat that came with the free cage (I have to say that because I haven’t mentioned him and I can never remember who is who)… has a huge tumor and probably not much longer to live so I feed him lots of goodies.

New job?

So for 3 years I have undergone the risk of being fired and wanting to quit on a very regular basis. The last straw was when we had a very very busy day and my boss told me to log in to the phones. I replied with “dwight is not on the phones”. And he told me not to question him. Now don’t get me wrong, I was not professional and I know that. But I was and have been very sick of having this thing where he gets to slink back into an “i’m too old to do any work” attitude and I have to keep taking the most calls of anyone. Well that day I did end up taking about 40 calls and I did do a damn good job as always but I was livid that my boss would not clear the air with me. I even asked him to clear the air and let’s have a chat because I will not keep going on being forced to take the most calls while the other guy pisses off and goes to the bathroom every 10 fucking minutes. Anyways the point here being I got so pissed that day that I completely cleaned out my desk 100%. I removed everything from it and applied for a bunch of jobs the next day. I’ve been on about 5 interviews so far and I have one that seems more promising than the others. I would really like to get out of this place once and for all though. I’ve put in my 3 years and after going to so many interviews I’m seeing how my experience does not transfer very well. The ability to troubleshoot transfers, but the actual fact I’m supporting a proprietary product for a company means I put myself in a position where I couldn’t grow. Speaking of growth, that is the real reason I’m ready to leave this company. I cannot grow and I cannot move anywhere in this company. So I’m doing whatever I can possible do to get away from this poisonous dead end job. I really really hope to get something I like better and good lord, I might even get a few dollars raise. I just hope whatever job I get I do really well at and I rock it.

On a more positive note though with regards to job hunting, I got some shoes and a tie for the interviews and man I looked pretty good. Although i would say I would look even better in a suite jacket type of thing. I bought one and have never used it. I tried yesterday but I’m definitely a little too fat for it. When I bought it it was snug but I think i put on another 10-20 pounds.

The last thing I want to talk about it school. I think I just finished my TECH class and I’m making some decent progress on my Meteorology class. I’m iffy on my computer class though. Like I’m learning a lot but his tests are just horrible. I can’t wait to be done and have my associates degree. The next things I want to tackle are some certs like A+ and Network+. The more jobs I look at, the more that want to see that certification. So I’m going to study and see where I’m at then study some more and eventually take it. I hope I can get some certs this year and maybe I’ll go into school again to get my bachelors again some day.

Everything else: i’m still looking for a roommate. I keep finding people but no serious bites. I think I’m being too straight forward with my ads which is causing this issue. It’s truly a lot of stress trying to get that room rented and trying to find a new job at the same time while having homework due every so often. Yuck. But I’m hoping the room will be rented soon. I just posted it for 425 as opposed to 445. We will see, but something has to change. Job or room. I prefer room to be rented right away though. My last roomy Wayne moved out so that’s fantastic news. He paid out so technically I don’t need anyone in the room for 3 months, but I want to have the cash flow and I want to have the money he paid to get out of his lease as a pure profit.

Posting Day

Today really feels like a posting day. I suppose the reason I feel this way is because a lot of things. A LOT. School, work, and personal life!!

Alright, so let’s start with Jesse. What a dick. Kind of. I mean he has his feelings and I have mine but he goes from one day saying “I love you” to the next saying we need a break because I argue too much. Note the I, not the we. I think we argue too much myself. We both have heard heads and we both have passions. Part of my problem might be that I don’t really view some of the ‘arguing’ as arguing but rather constructive criticism, or maybe learning about each other. Needless to say he wants a break and said “It’s not about sex” shortly after saying “you don’t give me what I want sexually”. So. The last day I saw him, I WAS going to do what he wanted me to cause I realized I’m falling for him but yet AGAIN, he has disappeared from my life. He really knows how to test my durability. I have a lot of problems and my own personal problems. It’s a little bit annoying that he comes around poking hard at those problems and just letting go. The good news is I got my roommates pan back before he decided to say that. With Jesse, I don’t like leaving ANYTHING at his place cause I never know if I will go back there again. You know? Anywho. Good guy, but I’m more seriously dating Ashton now. He’s a sweet guy so far. He has soft everything and he’s like hairless. I think I like that. I never had a preference before, but I think it goes well with who he is. No more bitching about personal life for today. That is the Jesse story.

Work. Ha. This is something of a joke to discuss, but here I go. So. My boss left. Out sick for about 2 days. During this time BOTH of the other guys decided that they hate me completely. Aaron stopped talking to me and Dwight never did so…. surprise surprise. I decided to turn my desk and monitor sideways because they were both starting to get huffy and starting to stare into my cube a lot. This alleviated that issue, but they still didn’t say a thing and the two were skyping back and forth ALL DAY. Probably bitching about my job for whatever reason. K. So boss comes back and I wrote up a paper and told him: alright, so you wrote me up and I did some research and found out saying the customer’s name helps He really liked that. I gave him like 3 solutions to various problems. The very first solution was: I moved my desk sideways to help the others hear me on the phone because I’m sick of them thinking I’m not taking calls. So he let me move my desk around in my cube. Mind you this is an attached desk that is screwed in so I had to unscrew everything. Anyhow. Today my boss and Aaron were just skyping back and forth back and forth. You could tell it was really heated. My boss left it with me as “we will chat tomorrow”. So I suspect I will be fired, written up, or given strong suggestions to not do something. I’m hoping to get something useful out of it though like “you need to xxxxxxxx”. And then I fix those problems. So right now this VERY minute, Dwight is offline but back from lunch. Aaron is talking to Dwight going to lunch. And I’m unavailable because Dwight’s job is not to gossip about things while I take all the FUCKING CALLS!!!!!!!! I applied for a new job as well but I haven’t heard back the last like 3 days so I’m pretty sure they just pushed my resume aside. Ohhhhh…. One more thing about work. I’m more nervous because I also started answering calls and putting customers on hold like I did just now. I usually wait 1-2 minutes before actually answering. This is to help get my average handle time up and to have it stop hitting my bounce stat so hard. Also, I can look up and put in the location for the customer in the ticket. I hate that I’ve started lying about things because I’m upset about my job. It really makes life tough.

School: I’m tired of having ppl talk about cheating. I worry every FUCKING TIME I turn in an assignment under turnitin. I’m scared my paper is going to be similar. It never is except once because it was a QA paper so the questions were all the same, but you know what I mean. Stupid UVU.

Anyways. So there’s a lit of all my personal, school, and work issues. I would love if everything would just go perfect and that I could blog something like this: So i’m in love with my bf and we had amazing breakfast then I went to my favorite job on a beautiful sunny day and just graduated school!! Why don’t these things happen? 😦