And it’s not because of the salty ramen and peas I just ate.
I decided to look up average number of sexual partners for men throughout their life. Turns out the number is approximately 7-10 on average through their lifetime. Then I looked at women… usually even less. Okay, that’s fantastic. So how about the real information that is pertinent to me? Gay males. That statistic showed 501-1000 is the average. Dude I’m kind of heart broken. I gave up my ‘standards’ that I would have a monogamous relationship already but this is annoying. I think I may be up to 100 possibly. Maybe. I think for sure above 50. But 1000?!?!?! What is the fucking point?! How about 1000 fucks with someone I love? Yeah, that sounds ideal. Now let me step back out of my fairytale for a moment. I’m just disappointed. I like living a normal life where I do stuff with my day like today a bike ride and walk in the park. I don’t like the idea that ‘to be normal’ I should have my phone out 24/7 looking for hookups. God dude…. I don’t want to have a nice body because the chances are better that I might use it!!!! I really wish today that I could go straight. I used to and then I was okay with life, but after these stats and my already hopeless feelings about finding love, I just don’t see any benefit to being gay! It’s nice that I make a decent amount of money and have a good savings but…. I want to go out and do things once in a while. Just once in a while. But I don’t want to do things solo. Some things can be fun that way, but not everything.
I’m just sincerely disappointed. And the worst part about all of this is I lie to like every guy that asks me how many guys I fucked because 1. I don’t know and 2. I don’t want to look like a slut. No one else does either which is why I’m willing to bet they lie about how many they have slept with.
Just brings back the dreary feeling of…. “am I going to find someone true”? Sigh.
My Head 